Partners in Crime
by Killager
Summary: Red and Blue are two Villagers with a mutual interest: Ness. And Red has devised a plan. But who is he really trying to help?
1. Chapter 1: Midnight Attack

Ness inspected the refrigerator, searching for his routine midnight snack. Its lighting spilled from the interior onto his face, isolating him from the kitchen's bleak darkness. He thought he was alone. Two Villagers were hiding amongst the shadows. They crept closer and briskly invaded his personal space. The terrible twosome were suspended over his shoulders. Their glaring eyes enveloped him like pincers as they giggled and leant over him.  
"What the-?" Ness' whisper abruptly loudened into a shout. "Get off!" He retaliated, attempting to swing his body round, but was halted. His wrists were cuffed by the hands of another when his arms tried to heave away.  
Red, Ness' best friend, was coercive: "I suggest you keep your hands behind your back."  
"Haha, oh, c'mon. You scared the crap outta me."  
An axe's cold blade was pressed upon his neck. "Comply and you will live."  
"You're kidding me, right? Comply? What's goin' on?" Sweat seeped from under Ness' cap. Tiny beads reflected the cold dim light off his face.  
Blue closed in on Ness. Her gaze was like a signal lamp: round, piercing, blinding, and rarely blinking. Her striped dress crumpled against him. She uttered whispers directly into his ear. "Look at you, gettin' all worked up. What're you worrying about? It's only us; just you, me, and our friend here. Ain't that right, Red?"  
"There's no one else here." Red stated to Ness over his adjacent shoulder, as if to reassure him.  
"Don't you worry, pumpkin pie. Oh, Ness. You're so handsome!" Blue's hushed cunning blossomed into a squeak of delight.  
They laid hands on his head, shoulders and arms, their aberrant, obscure touching freezing Ness in fright.  
"Guys, stop!" Ness insisted in a harsh whisper.  
Blue teased one of the soft tufts of hair that protruded from Ness' baseball cap. He dared not flinch as she twirled short, black strands around her thumb.  
Initially, Ness had brushed off the Villagers' interest in him as mere curiosity, but as the encounter progressed, it dawned on him that the Villagers' demeanour was a little too intimate to be aught but playful mischief; it was borderline creepy. Fear and humiliation engulfed him as he stood upright between their wavering whispers.  
"Us mayors know exactly how to take care of our people, don't we, Red."  
"Certainly, it's our job." Red's lips parted and curved into a devilish smile.  
"Because Red is such a good mayor, I don't have to pretend any more. He took care of me, and now it's my turn. I'll take good care of you, my lovely little man."  
"Seriously, guys, this isn't funny anymore. You're creepin' me the fuck out!" Ness' growing fear became prevalent in his voice as it began to shake.  
"Listen. Do as she says and you won't get hurt."  
"What? Red, c'mon-"  
"That's right, cutie pie! I've got a few things I've wanted to show you for a long time." Her hands trailed over his shoulders and she massaged them lovingly.  
Red lifted his cap and dropped it to the floor. The peak patted against the tiles. He worked his hands through Ness' hair and around to his face, picturing his features.  
Ness contorted in discomfort and shame, embarrassment radiating from his flushed cheeks. "Guys, that's not okay. You're being weird."  
Red leaned forward slightly to look at Ness' luminous face. "I concur, Blue."  
"Hmm? What're you saying?" Blue turned to her partner in crime, eyes widened in confusion.  
"You're right. Ness is handsome." The Villagers exchanged glances in agreement. Into his friend's ear, Red whispered, "I remember when he was small. He's so tall now." His hands roamed from Ness' arms to his chest. He noticed how hard Ness' heart was pounding, as if it was beating itself to death.  
"I wonder, how much of this reluctance is a facade?" Red pondered aloud, his sneer shrouded in the shadows.  
Ness bit his lip in frustration, too terrified to speak up in defence. He struggled to hold back the tears that welled in his eyes.  
Blue giggled nervously, and raised her voice from a whisper to an alluring invitation: "Come visit my room tomorrow, Ness. I'll show you 'round. Is 09:30 a good time?" She asked, lightly warming his shoulders, rubbing to and fro.  
"Not really, I don't usually get up 'til the afternoon on weekends."  
Her grip tightened around his shoulders. "I'm sorry! I forgot to mention that I start baking at that time." Her vent rasped through bared teeth.  
"Oh. Okay." All sound was sapped from the room for a brief moment. The silence pricked Ness' ears like needles. "I'll go. Now, let go 'a me, please."  
Without warning, Red loosened his grip. Ness' body stumbled and tackled the refrigerator. Plastic pots clattered onto the floor.  
Red pocketed his axe, inducing a miniature cyclone around his fist. The air about the room was displaced until a gust of wind rushed over to him. "We're done here."  
"See you tomorrow, honey bun!" Blue cooed to her infatuation, waving frantically.  
Ness reached for the fallen goods, scowling at the Villagers as they walked away.

The door swung open and slammed against the wall. Tremors rippled through the room and shook the Villager. Ness stormed towards him, his baseball cap restraining his bed head. The Villager was greeted by a vigorous middle finger.  
"What the fuck, Red?! You better tell me what the fuck happened right now, 'fore I knock that sleazy head a' yours outta the park!" Ness commanded furiously, swinging his bat with clenched fists before his reddened face.  
"Ness, calm down. You haven't given me a chance to explain."  
"I'm givin' you one right now, you rat!" He closed in on the Villager, his shaded eyes seething with rage and glaring down at him.  
Red backed away, and sat down in his office chair. He locked his palms together with opposable thumbs. "As you've probably realised by now, Blue is infatuated with you. She noticed that we're friends, and saw it as an opportunity to ask about you. All the time. See, Blue is somewhat... unstable. And you've made it clear that you're not interested in a relationship with her. So I devised a plan to let her down gently. Arrange a date, and leave it at that. She refused to send you an invitation, or trust me to deliver it on her behalf. She insisted for you to be introduced to her in person."  
Ness sat adjacent to Red, on a modest armchair. "Why did that fucked up meet-and-greet have anything to do with you?" He pointed at his suspect aggressively.  
"Accompanying Blue was part of the agreement. She isn't fluent in English; she can only speak Animalese, and is completely unaware of the extent of your PSI. She fails to realise that you can translate without me. At first, I instructed you. Whenever I spoke to you after that, Blue thought I was translating."  
"Okay... But if you weren't translating for real, why did you say all that creepy stuff to me?" He fidgeted in determination, twisting his bat's handle against an underlying rug.  
Red's pupils whitened abruptly. _Shit. Astute today, aren't you._ He thought to himself, forbearing a grin. "One moment." He blinked in silence, eyeing a nearby apple as he pieced a sentence together.  
"If I can recall, Blue has learnt some English terms. I was avoiding suspicion." He took the apple situated on his desk and bit into it.  
"You'll have to come with me to this date then, or Blue won't understand me." Ness gesticulated. Psionic lines of red and blue flashed about his fingertips as he fidgeted peevishly.  
"I suppose I will." Red sighed.  
Ness looked over to the clock; they had five minutes to spare. "We better get going."


	2. Chapter 2: Leftover Ingredients

The air was filtered with the welcoming aroma of baking, which overwhelmed the fusty trail Ness had brought from his bunk. He paced towards Blue's room, overlooking the peeling stickers scattered around a distinctly ordinary door handle.  
Usually, Blue could disband Ness' Flying Men with her gaze alone, but it was too early for him to gather courage, or feel anything other than fatigue. Rubbing his eyes, Ness set foot over the boundaries of the hallway.

Red shut the door behind him. "Good morning, Blue," He greeted, adjusting Ness' baseball cap. No amount of alteration could hide his accomplice's matted bed head. His habitual choice to wear his cap was the only effort he had made to look decent. His droopy demeanour coincided with his groggy guise. He wasn't a morning person, nor was he interested.  
"Hey, Blue." He yawned, stretching his arms. The scent of a delicious cake baking in the oven was able to rouse him. "Oh, man, that smells good!" Ness licked his lips and sauntered about the room. He intook more indulgence with every draw of his breath.  
"I'm sure it'll taste even better!" Blue beamed, delighted with her guest's enthusiasm. Her trust in Red to take charge of their plan had been wise. "You have a real sweet tooth, don't you?"  
"Who doesn't like cake?" Ness managed an affable smile for Blue as she put on her oven gloves.  
"Oh!" Blue stooped over to Red and whispered, "Isn't he a dish!"  
Red politely accompanied his Animalese agreement with a nod. He flashed a pink smirk at Ness, exposing his amusement whilst successfully repressing the laughter that bounded within him.  
Before Ness could apprehend his friend's glance, he noticed the stripes. Everything as far as the eye could see was striped yellow and blue. The dress and oven gloves Blue adorned camouflaged her amongst the geometric décor. The gaudy walls were plastered with posters of Ness and his friends, the Chosen Four: heroic art and newspaper clippings, a blown-up print of Ness' entrant photo from his first year in the Super Smash Bros. Tournament. Striped accessories that matched his iconic t-shirt were strewn on her shelves and hanging from her wall hooks. He laced his fingers through his hair, and his mouth gaped in disbelief. An impeding yawn escaped it, ceasing his compulsion to cry out.  
Red sat orderly in a numbered t-shirt. For the first time in years, he appeared to be perfectly normal, but the moment soon passed. The translator's personality manifested itself in his deceitful duties. "Who am I to deny your charm, Ness? Your dress looks almost as smart as your face. You've earned that cake."  
"Get outta here. Look around, Red. Didn't you notice? Blue loves stripes!" Ness contested, upturning his palms to their surroundings.  
"I'd be more than happy to grant you the privacy with Blue you so desperately want."  
"Oh, fuck off." Ness barked, gesticulating in his temper.  
Villager shook his head, disappointed in his friend's quickness to anger. "With those manners, I'm surprised Blue hasn't proposed."  
"How much d'you wanna bet she won't?"  
"More than you can afford."  
"Yeah, okay. And you better shut up about my clothes."  
"Why? You're a mess."  
"'Cause you... You wear the same thing all the time."  
"That makes two of us!" Red sniggered.  
Blue had stepped back; she stared down at the floor in silence, pressing her oven gloves together.  
"Blue, allow me to explain. Ness doesn't need me to translate whenever you speak. His psychic abilities are sufficient to cover for him."  
Blue brought the over gloves to her face to conceal her embarrassment.  
"I fail to see why I'm here." Red approached the door and opened it.  
"Wait!" Blue's mitts reached out to him, "Has he been reading my mind?"  
"I've told you everything I know. You'll have to find out for yourself."  
His remark left Blue very disconcerted. She looked Ness over. Her attempt to suppress her licentious thoughts only invigorated them.  
"I'll be leaving now. Enjoy yourselves." Red bid farewell to Ness with a stoic semblance before returning to his room.  
After a futile glance at the hallway, Ness closed the door, then turned to Blue. Her eyes were fixed on him, widened in a thrilled terror. He sighed, and approached the brooding doter. Without warning, he established a lingual link with her. A section of the language barrier was fabricated, just enough for Blue to comprehend Ness for the time being. With the little energy he had, Ness was careful to leave their thought bubbles unscathed. "I haven't been reading your mind, okay? Red was messing with you. With both of us."  
Blue couldn't contain her excitement; she shrieked and gabbled in Animalese aloud. "Oh my goodness, Ness, are you inside my head? Ah! You're in my head! I didn't think your voice could sound any better! But, oh my word, now that I can understand you, it does."  
"Thanks, I guess, but please, calm down. I wanna say something real quick."  
"That's fine. Oh, I hope it's not anything bad. You still like me, right?"  
"No, Blue. That's the thing. I don't like you."  
"What? Not even a little?"  
"No, that's not what I'm saying. You're okay, what I meant was... I don't like you as much as you like me." He admitted, temporarily lifting his hat to scratch his head and neck.  
"I already knew that, you great big joker. I don't suppose anyone could like me like that."  
"Hey, c'mon-"  
"I mean, I certainly wouldn't expect you to, you being perfect an' all."  
"I get it. Ya think I'm God's gift, right? Well I'm not. Don't believe me? Ask Red. He'll tell ya himself how much of an asshole I am."  
"Alright, honey pie." She cooed, dismissing his defensive self-doubt. "My cake should be done right about now, so, let's talk over a nice slice, shall we?"  
The cake steamed beautifully. Its scent flourished about them. Blue promptly brought two servings over to a charming wooden table. The tablecloth was unfortunate; gingham would have been more appropriate.  
"Thanks, Blue!" Ness blurted, eyes on the prize.  
"You're welcome. I'll get you a fork-" Blue chimed before he shovelled the cake into his mouth with his hands. "Oh. Never mind."  
She placed her serving next to Ness' before joining him. She giggled, gratified by her gorging guest. "Red wasn't kidding when he said you like cake, huh?"  
Ness sat back and picked the crumbs off his plate. They settled at his feet, for he kept missing his mouth. Despite his clumsiness, he resumed to no avail, apologising and grunting in frustration before his plate dropped to the floor. He slumped against the sofa and fell unconscious.


	3. Chapter 3: Intervention

His brain weighed down his head like a ton of bricks. He scoured the room with surly eyes, and spotted his bat within arm's reach. His arms and legs shook wildly. He writhed in rigid restraint, for he had been bound down with sturdy leather straps. He couldn't move from his chair. He emitted psionic pulsations in desperation, barely lifting the dust from the shelves. His string of thought had been torn to shreds. In the distress, he'd yet to realise that Blue had drugged him. He racked his brain with what little acuity he had, but soon conceded. It was no use. His consciousness waned and his eyes strained, but staying alert was a hopeless endeavour. Every muscle but his neck was taut; his back twinged as he pressed against the chair.  
A pair of hands placed themselves upon his thighs. His neck jolted up, briefly startled. His eyes aligned with Blue's piercing stare. His blanched face leant back in bemusement.  
"Evenin', cutie pie!" Blue chimed.  
Ness' pupils dilated before her looming shadow. Claustrophobia enveloped him. The yellow and blue bars surrounded him and his insatiable captor like a cage.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Ness! I'm terribly sorry you've had to sit there for so long." She cupped her hands around the straps restricting Ness' arms. Whitened knuckles rose from his clenching fists.  
"You were out cold for, I'd say," She glanced at the clock. Its ticking hammered at Ness' brain. Every second of humiliation induced his urge to flinch. "Whew! A little under 8 hours! Gee, I hope it wasn't too uncomfortable for you." His neck had succumbed to the drugs once more; he was drooling all over himself. The right side of his face shuddered, cringing at the severity of every thump in his chest.  
She knelt before him. From this perspective, she could relish in her captivation. He was petrified; all but his chest was still as his shaky lungs respired rhythmically. His clothes were creased and damp with sweat. A pheromonic scent radiated from his dilating skin. Blue's whims brimmed her mind with every breath. Her roaming touch stroked down his legs. "You're so warm..."  
"Get off me!" Ness cried out in a flustered slur, his feet flailing frantically. The chair creaked and his sneakers squeaked as he scampered away from his deepest fears.  
"Please, Ness, control yourself! I'm tryin' to do you a favour; you just don't understand." Tears welled in Blue's eyes. An axe materialised in her heartsick hands; her grip trembled around its handle. "You never will!"  
"What?! Let's talk about this!" Ness intervened. The blade's reflection shone in his bloodshot eyes. "I can't understand if you won't tell me-"  
"You know how much I care... And you don't. That's all there is to say!" Her face was contorted in a snivelling mess; the voice it spouted broke as she bawled.  
With what remnant of Ness' power remained, he envisioned a door handle slowly turning. He mustered the bravery to distract Blue with a shrill stare.  
"That's right, you've got it. Just, keep looking at me, an' I'll- I'll make it quick..." She sobbed, jittering and blinking her tears away. Her instability presented itself in her hands; her axe's handle splintered as they rubbed it in apprehension.  
Light seeped into the room from the corridor, and framed an armed silhouette. Without a sound, Red retrieved his mitt-like hands' grasp from the door handle and rested them upon his axe. His chasmal eyes were shaded as he discerned Ness' situation. Blue's betrayal wasn't what perturbed him; it was the state they were in. Ness had shied away from the light, and Blue was oblivious of Red's intrusion. Her eyes were clenched shut as tears trickled from them. Her shaky sigh was cut short. Her lungs desperately drew in the musky air once she'd noticed him; she staggered back and clattered against the table. "Red! What're you- Get outta here!" Her pleading was forsaken. Red closed the door and approached Ness. He flinched as a sinewy snap slammed outwards from the armrest. Red had embedded his axe into the strap that restrained his wrist. Ness innately withdrew his hand and hurriedly unfastened the other belts. He released himself as Red reproached Blue.  
"We talked about this, Blue. Was I not clear enough?" His gaze fixed on her as her eyes veered about the room. She clambered about the table behind her, futilely searching for an exit.  
"I can't take this anymore, Red. You just don't get it, do you?! None of you do, none of you ever will!" She cried out, edging along the table towards the door.  
"Is that supposed to be an excuse?" He grinned amidst the darkness, readying his axe. "Did you honestly think I'd be fooled by your pathetic scheming? I'd be insulted if you weren't such a wreck." He aligned his back adjacent to the door, blocking Blue's path. Ness attempted to disarm her through telekinesis, but his powers were weakened.  
"I came to you as a friend, Blue." Red laughed. "I can't be friends with someone so inept."  
She charged forward and swung her axe with recklessly fatal intent. Her callous hostility was easily dodged, however, and Red retaliated with a hearty strike from his palms. Landing the end of his handle on a blow to the head, he knocked the crazed lover back in a stumble. She refused to give in. Upon rising to her feet, she swung her body around, taking her axe with her at full speed. Ness hastily hauled Red back with a turbulent rush of psionic power. The villagers steadied themselves.  
"I'm gonna kill you, an' then, I'll bury you with Ness!" Blue taunted between deep breaths, wiping blood from the wound on her brow.  
Red shook his head, refraining to laugh.  
"Blue, put down the axe." Ness commanded. His face was lit by fire he had culminated with his mind.  
She looked up at him, and for a moment, was frozen in shame. She resigned against the kitchen counter, and rested her axe upon the neighbouring surface before crying into her hands.  
Red stealthily picked it up, wielding both axes in either hand. "You're besotted. I suggest you take heed before it gets you killed."  
Ness was urged to protest in the heat of his loathing. "What, we're just gonna leave her like that?"  
"What would you suggest we do instead? Kill her?"  
Red had him reconsider. Ness couldn't bring himself to say it, knowing she'd hear it from him. "Nah, let's get outta here." He ruffled his hair before flattening it down again with his cap. Red held the door behind him and they headed towards the boys' quarters. Blue's focus on their voices faded as they trailed down the corridor.


End file.
